Food for thought

The Vet seemed out of sorts last week and I could not discover a reason. I like to know what makes him tick and why he has these mood swings and, frankly, I have decided to put it down to his poor diet. His meals are irregular and contain too much of what is described these days as junk food. However, to give him his due, he is always careful to see that my meals appear regularly once every evening and contain what is generally considered to be a healthy dog diet. So plenty of protein, vitamins, the right amount of fat, with a selection minerals thrown in. Keeps me slim and vigorous and, because of my advanced age, I only suffer the aches and pains appropriate to a human of say 60ish. A little bit of a limp here and the odd twinge there which slow me down a little, but what I lack in agility, I make up for in intelligence far beyond others of my breed, or come to that, any breed you can name. So why can’t he take advice from his friend, the good doctor Jack Simpson? I know they see each other regularly, the Vet to cast an eye over his poodle, Peaches, and the doctor to give advice on human diet. They then squabble over chess moves until I am quite weary of listening and retreat for a nap. It was not quite like that when I was a youngster. In those days there was not the variety available and the food served up to me and my friends was dreary, a diet of just biscuits and a tin of unappetising meat, never worth looking forward to. Today, with the more varied choice, the Vet and most of the owners I know, provide really tasty and healthy meals. This fact does not help poor old Gus, my Alsatian friend. He has been a tricky eater for years and even now will often go for long periods – three or four days – without food. The Vet has tried to get to the bottom of this phenomenon and says that he has never before come across a dog who refused good wholesome food for such long periods. Not even Gus’s favourite food – dried pig’s snout – can tempt him on these “off days”. The funny fact is that he seems to suffer no ill effects from this abstinence and when we, his fellow gang members, try to discuss it with him, he shakes his head and walks away. Some of us believe it is because of a traumatic event in his early life, but we do not pry. The choice of dog food in this country is influenced by what’s happening in the wider world. From what I hear, there are now restaurants for dogs in some cities, although who chooses the food is left in some doubt - does one point to the menu with a recently manicured paw, or does the owner sit at the table and take it upon himself, or herself, to decided what little Fido-darling is going to eat. At least who pays the bill is quite clear. We dogs don’t carry cash, a little like royalty. Dog restaurants are not the only crazy ideas. There is a chain of pet shops about to launch a co-ordinated range of dog coats, T-shirts and jewellery-encrusted leads. Even the Vet found this hilarious, he almost choked from laughing. We, on the other hand, find little funny in this sorry tale. This de-animalising, trying to make us look more like humans, is outrageous and an affront to our dignity. We shall have to start a campaign and the gang was sent home from our last meeting with instructions to come back with ideas. I do not have great hopes of their ability to carry out any lateral thinking, although the new members might be more capable. The others will have no stomach for a fight.